Top 10 reasons to be happy you are Michael Vick

10. All of this controversy over dog fighting, makes people forget how much of a lousy QB you are.

9. You can eat all the Twinkies, and Slim Jims you want locked up. Ask Tank Johnson.

8. Your recent troubles have saved the world from buying your ugly sneakers.

7. You will be playing prison league football, so you have a chance of actually winning a championship.

6. Your Jersey might be off the shelf, buy your Dog Chew Toy is selling great.

5. Forget a water bottle, now you get to hide your weed up your ass. That's much cooler.

4. Your speed, and elusiveness will help you avoid getting "shanked" in the yard.

3. You don't have to worry about hanging with the wrong crowd anymore, because all of your friends snitched on you.

2. At least you are not Eddie Griffin. My God.

1. You don't have to worry about losing your manhood in prison, because everybody knows you have herpes.